How to Sterilize Shark's Teeth

As usual, I apologize for the delay in getting a new post up. I have been visiting friends and now family in Florida. A few years ago my parents figured they had reached the time in their lives where it was time to have a place in Florida. Being retired myself, I understand the impulse. Unfortunately, my cash flow right now resembles Enron's so I won't be following in my parents' footsteps. Anyway, during the dreary winter months, my parents escape the gloom of the Midwest by escaping to Florida--the state they affectionately refer to as "God's Waiting Room."

My parents have picked up some interesting quirks over the last several years. For one, they have a glowing love of the television show "Bones." If you haven't seen it, it's awful. Every episode features an outlandish crime that is solved incredibly easily by the forensics team. Unfortunately, I am also hooked on this show after watching 20 episodes with my parents over six days during Christmas. Despite my dad being largely unable to use most everything invented in the last 20 years, he has figured out how to DVR every episode of "Bones" that is replayed on TNT. The result is that he and my mom have frequent "Bones" marathons. This is how my family bonds. So after a few of these marathons I actually started liking these inane plots and characters. Now I can't live without them. One of these days I will treat the palpable sexual tension between Bones and Agent Booth in greater detail. For now, back to my parents.

Another somewhat bizarre development I witnessed earlier today. My parents have become collectors of shark teeth. They walk up and down the beach looking at the sand in the off chance that they find a stray shark's tooth. The first thing you're wondering is, how many shark's teeth are there on the beach? The answer is, apparently a lot. Today's stroll yielded 27. Apparently sharks are constantly losing teeth and growing new ones in their attempt at being the most terrifying creatures ever. If my parents, having already patrolled that section of beach numerous times, still come back with 27 teeth that despite 2/3 of the world's surface, found their way to a small beach in Florida, think about how many teeth must be out there and attached to ferocious, underwater, man-eating monsters. By the time we left the beach today I had already developed the beginning stages of a crippling phobia of the open ocean.

So what happens to these teeth that my parents devote several hours a day to finding? They go into a jar in the cabinet never to be seen again. In a separate jar my mom puts a random collection of sea shells that she also picks up on her shark tooth hunting trips. However, not before they are subjected to a sterilization treatment that would put any ER in America to shame. My mom boils the shells for 15 minutes. In chloride. I don't know why she is petrified of the germs on sea shells, but my mom is adamant in her treatment. I told her that 5 minutes would probably be sufficient and she would have none of it. Using water, as opposed to an industrial cleaning agent, was simply out of the question. But who am I to judge? Maybe after 40 more years of retirement I will be patrolling the beach every day and sterilizing everything I find.

I'll be back tomorrow with more. Happy St. Patty's Day America!

FU