Last night I caught the tail end of "Roadhouse," a 1980s Patrick Swayze classic. Back when I was working I actually spent part of my day drafting a review of the movie which I felt compelled to dig up and revise. It is one of those movies that is so bad it ends up being really good.
Premise:
Premise:
A nationally renowned bouncer with only one name is recruited to a small town in Kansas to clamp down on the absolute chaos that is the DoubleDeuce bar. Unfortunately for him, the small town has been run for years by a millionaire named Brad Wesley who doesn't like the arrival of Dalton, the bouncer (Patrick Swayze). The conflict between these two men will shape the rest of the movie. Let's take a closer look.
According to his medical records, which he carries with him wherever he goes due to his propensity to find trouble, Dalton has been shot twice and stabbed 9 times. He has an out-of-this-world mullet, wears tight jeans and smokes Marlboro Reds. We are led to believe that he has amassed considerable wealth from bouncing--a sign of just how good he is. When not bouncing he does tai-chi while sweat glistens off his body, reads Jim Morrison, or just lays on the roof of his car looking at the sky.
He apparently sews his own stitches, except for when he doesn't. (In the span of five minutes he is shown sewing his own stitches and then going to a hospital to have stitches sewn for him. This incontinuity is never explained and doesn't make much sense). At the hospital he meets a leggy blonde doctor. This is the love interest of the movie. Her intelligence is a good match for his brawn, but then again, he also studied philosophy at NYU--specifically "man's search for faith or some shit." So Dalton in many ways is the total package.
According to his medical records, which he carries with him wherever he goes due to his propensity to find trouble, Dalton has been shot twice and stabbed 9 times. He has an out-of-this-world mullet, wears tight jeans and smokes Marlboro Reds. We are led to believe that he has amassed considerable wealth from bouncing--a sign of just how good he is. When not bouncing he does tai-chi while sweat glistens off his body, reads Jim Morrison, or just lays on the roof of his car looking at the sky.
He apparently sews his own stitches, except for when he doesn't. (In the span of five minutes he is shown sewing his own stitches and then going to a hospital to have stitches sewn for him. This incontinuity is never explained and doesn't make much sense). At the hospital he meets a leggy blonde doctor. This is the love interest of the movie. Her intelligence is a good match for his brawn, but then again, he also studied philosophy at NYU--specifically "man's search for faith or some shit." So Dalton in many ways is the total package.
Dalton's mastery of the bouncing profession is illustrated very early in the movie by having him assess, in only 15 minutes mind you, everything wrong about the DoubleDeuce that the long-time owner has been unable to--drug dealing, bartenders skimming, underage people being let in, and sex occurring in the broom closet. Not to mention medieval levels of violence. In firing the skimming bartender, Dalton sets off a maelstrom due to the fact that the bartender's uncle is Brad Wesley, the millionaire who owns the majority of the town. Instead of finding his nephew a much better job at any of the 100 businesses he is part owner in, he refuses to be slighted and insists that his nephew WILL work as a bartender at the DoubleDeuce. Why Wesley won't find him a better job at any of the other businesses he owns and/or terrorizes is never explained and doesn't make much sense. Regardless, Dalton refuses to employ the nephew and the town quickly devolves into violence as these two titans collide over the fate of the DoubleDeuce. Throughout this conflict Dalton manages to befriend a few of the town's innocent victims and lays the doctor. He also rips out the throat of Wesley's no. 1 goon in a moonlit, riverside showdown. I've never found out if ripping out a throat is actually possible, but Dalton does it while wearing sweatpants. That's Dalton.
Let's move on to Brad Wesley, the town's despotic millionaire. He throws rock star parties even though he is 50, and has a band of goons who drive around in monster trucks terrorizing the populace. He is given to buzzing livestock in a helicopter and laughing sardonically. We are never told how he made his fortune, but it is clear that he now demands regular payments from every business in town. For what, we don't know. He is given to burning down or demolishing these same businesses by way of monster truck for apparently no reason at all. Despite this apparently spotty business sense, he is able to bring a JC Penney to town, which is his proudest accomplishment. To display just how completely above the law he is, he drives his convertible on the wrong side of the road while listening to show tunes forcing oncoming traffic to veer of the road. The oncoming traffic happens to be Dalton, perhaps a foreshadowing of the conflict that is certain to occur when anyone lines up against Swayze in a movie.
Why Wesley would drive on the wrong side of the road and directly into oncoming traffic is never really explained and makes absolutely no sense at all--which is also one of the movie's main themes. In fact, after 10+ viewings of this movie I am convinced that the whole project was conceived, directed, shot, and edited without a script or anyone ever being told what it was they were filming. In addition to plot sequences that make no sense, we are also treated to some head scratching lines. While getting stitches (Dalton refused a local anaesthetic--also never explained why), Dalton tells the doctor "pain don't hurt." Wesley, not to be outdone by nonsense statements, asks one of his goons "you know why I don't like you?" He then punches him in the face, forcing the goon's nose to bleed, and says "because you bleed." It would be fair to say the average viewer could be somewhat confused by this sequence of events. Clearly Wesley disliked him before he was bleeding--why else would he punch him?
Let's move on to Brad Wesley, the town's despotic millionaire. He throws rock star parties even though he is 50, and has a band of goons who drive around in monster trucks terrorizing the populace. He is given to buzzing livestock in a helicopter and laughing sardonically. We are never told how he made his fortune, but it is clear that he now demands regular payments from every business in town. For what, we don't know. He is given to burning down or demolishing these same businesses by way of monster truck for apparently no reason at all. Despite this apparently spotty business sense, he is able to bring a JC Penney to town, which is his proudest accomplishment. To display just how completely above the law he is, he drives his convertible on the wrong side of the road while listening to show tunes forcing oncoming traffic to veer of the road. The oncoming traffic happens to be Dalton, perhaps a foreshadowing of the conflict that is certain to occur when anyone lines up against Swayze in a movie.
Why Wesley would drive on the wrong side of the road and directly into oncoming traffic is never really explained and makes absolutely no sense at all--which is also one of the movie's main themes. In fact, after 10+ viewings of this movie I am convinced that the whole project was conceived, directed, shot, and edited without a script or anyone ever being told what it was they were filming. In addition to plot sequences that make no sense, we are also treated to some head scratching lines. While getting stitches (Dalton refused a local anaesthetic--also never explained why), Dalton tells the doctor "pain don't hurt." Wesley, not to be outdone by nonsense statements, asks one of his goons "you know why I don't like you?" He then punches him in the face, forcing the goon's nose to bleed, and says "because you bleed." It would be fair to say the average viewer could be somewhat confused by this sequence of events. Clearly Wesley disliked him before he was bleeding--why else would he punch him?
And finally, we have the DoubleDeuce. The bar becomes a character of it's own throughout the movie. How this place was ever in business in the first place is never explained. On a nightly basis it gives Baghdad and Lebanon, circa 1985, a run for the money. When Dalton first sees the DoubleDeuce, everyone in the place is involved in a fight. Literally everyone. Most patrons who come to the DoubleDeuce seem to order a single beer before deciding to throw the bottle at a blind band member or destroy wooden furniture on other patrons (or vice versa). Despite low alcohol sales, a thieving bartender, a never ending need to replace chairs and tables, and a 65-75% chance that as a patron you will be killed or dismembered, this place stays afloat.
Here are some more bits and pieces about this movie that make it an absolute delight to watch.
-Monster truck. Utilizing a monster truck in a movie I'm fairly confident in saying, has never been done before or after Road House. It is totally random, excessive, and doesn't make sense, which puts it squarely in keeping with the rest of the movie.
-"Prepare to die." I feel like the presence of this line in any movie signals a terrible movie, and this movie has it.
-Patrick Swayze rips out a throat. I already mentioned this, but it needs to be repeated. Patrick Sway rips out a throat in this movie.
-Gratuitous sex and topless shots. If the producers of this movie planned one thing of this movie it was that they would definitely receive an "R" rating. Tough to grasp on television, the DVD version (which I own) is replete with sex scenes topless women.
-Not mincing words. Like previous point, this movie's inane plot would seemingly lend it to an audience of 12 or below, however, along with the toplessness, it does not shy away from dropping F bombs.
-An alternate universe? I can't imagine a world where bouncers gain national fame, but this is it. Everyone in this Kansas town has heard of Dalton and his mentor (yes, he has a mentor--another bouncer who is apparently the only bouncer in the world who can give Dalton a run for the money. Luckily, they're on the same side.)
Let's hope Swayze regains his health can continue delighting us with gems like this.
-An alternate universe? I can't imagine a world where bouncers gain national fame, but this is it. Everyone in this Kansas town has heard of Dalton and his mentor (yes, he has a mentor--another bouncer who is apparently the only bouncer in the world who can give Dalton a run for the money. Luckily, they're on the same side.)
Let's hope Swayze regains his health can continue delighting us with gems like this.
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