A "Maintenance Day" for FU

A belated St. Patty's day post. The reason for my tardiness is the same reason why right now most of America is walking in an hour late to work and cursing the last four beers they had last night. During my long and illustrious career, I would tell my boss that I had a lot of "maintenance" to do on days like this. I never really understood what exactly "maintenance" meant, but other people in the office used it all the time and so I just followed their lead. Think of Ron Burgundy saying "when in Rome" throughout Anchor Man. That was me, but instead I would try to look really stressed and then complain about being "up to my eyeballs in maintenance." I think it was supposed to mean catching up on emails, documentation, compliance, and general tasks that clients required that didn't result directly in the company earning money. Whatever it meant, it allowed you to retire to your office for the rest of the day and gave you an excuse for not coming out until 5:00. For me, a maintenance day was usually spent playing a Tetris game that was embedded in an Excel spreadsheet and catching up on ESPN articles that I hadn't had a chance to get around to that week.

So what happened on St. Patty's Day? Most people wear a green shirt and head to a bar where they try to drink themselves numb. If it's an Irish bar--something with a name like O'Something or McAnything--the whole ritual is leant an air of authenticity. But FU is currently in "God's Waiting Room" where 70% of the local population carries an AARP card in their wallet. So last night I did what old people do--I went to a dog track...with my parents. My parents apparently know what they're doing when it comes to betting on Greyhounds and in the excitement of their hot streak were buying beers after almost every race. By the time I got home I was ready to hit the sack, but my mom insisted on a nightcap. Next thing I know it's 1:00 in the morning and I am layed out on the floor listening to my mom mock me for having "the tolerance of a high schooler."

So even though we took different routes, I found myself in the same place as the rest of America this morning; in bed, dehydrated, and questioning my decision making. I'll do my best to make it back to you this afternoon with my original St. Patty's Day thoughts.

Stay Strong America-

Forever Unemployed