St. Patty's Day, a Celebration of Drunks

I'm a few days late on this, but I have been meaning to ponder the allure of St. Patty's Day and the hilarity that the one day of the year we associate with Ireland is a day everyone uses as an excuse to drink. As a friend of mine once remarked, showing wisdom far beyond his years, "there are two things that always live up to expectations: sake bombing, and St. Patty's Day."

I can't think of another country that is so closely associated with a substance abuse problem. Certainly other countries have issues with narcotics. Alcoholics abound in every country and civilization across the globe and throughout time. Mongols used to ferment horse milk to chase a buzz. Can you imagine fiending for a hit of fermented horse milk? Today it's hard to think of a country like Colombia without thinking of cocaine, or Afghanistan and heroine for that matter. However, if I were introduced to a Colombian I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they were a coke head. I would probably assume that they're an ultra violent drug dealer, but never an actual drug user. Same with Afghans.

Now I am not one to stereotype.* However, I will say that I have yet to meet an Irish person who failed to live up to the popular stereotype of the Irish. I lived with one for six months and she drank like a fish. The sound of her retching in my bathroom late at night woke me up on more than one occasion. On a weeknight we watched a two and a half hour movie together while she steadily plowed through several bottles of wine. She did not remember a wink of it the next day. And I don't mean the details of the movie, but being there at all. She actually asked me what I did that night. I'd often come down the steps in the morning to find Irishmen sprawled about the living room, face down, fully clothed, and completely unconscious. It didn't matter if it was a Saturday, Tuesday, or a Thursday. I was regularly treated to a ghastly display of liver warfare by her and her Irish friends who were all just as hellbent on achieving perpetual drunkenness. Of the six months I lived with her I can't think of one night that she was sober. I addressed this once with a coworker of mine who was also Irish who assured me it was nothing out of the ordinary.

Now, other countries certainly have their own stereotypes that we celebrate. The English have bad teeth, the French hate freedom, Canadians wish they were us, and the Russians lost the Cold War. Although that last one is more of a fact than a stereotype, it is still worth celebrating. But no country is so closely tied with a love for alcohol as is Ireland. Given the fact that all people everywhere like to drink, I think that is something to be proud of.

Well done Ireland, well done indeed.


*Complete lie. I use stereotypes, prejudices, and racial profiling in almost all aspects of my day-to-day. It serves as a good security measure at airports and also makes me feel good about myself.