Addressing My Lack of Discipline

To my burgeoning fan base I need to address a serious deficiency that is an inherent part of my current retirement--a lack of discipline. To most of this country, today is Monday, the start of another week. A few months ago, a Monday morning meant that I was fudging my weekly activity report, perusing a standard set of web sites that regularly distracted me from work (espn.com, nytimes.com, theonion.com, etc...), playing a few games of tetris, and then usually settling down to ponder whether or not I should follow Alexander Supertramp into the wild. While I didn't (and don't) think a lonely death in an abandoned bus in the Alaskan Frontier is an enviable way to meet death, it would mean that I was no longer working, and therefore had currency as an alternative to my current life plan. Having to consider the pros and cons of both of these positions--alive and working, dying but not working--regularly occupied the final hour of work before my lunch break on most mornings. Some days I'd try to play tetris while considering my existential funk, but it usually resulted in an embarassingly low score, thus forcing me to take things one at a time.

What is my point? Having broken the shackles of weekly reporting, daily sales activity, and keeping up a general appearance of caring, the only person I have to report to now is me, and I am an incredibly laid back boss. I haven't gotten out of bed before 10:00 any day of the last two weeks. I then usually spend the hours before noon aimlessly wandering around my apartment, watching Sports Center until I have the broadcast memorized, rifling through my roommate's belongings, and then using the toilet with the bathroom door wide open. While my current life policy is that I am doing whatever I want, whenever I want, I realize that it is not fair to my adoring legions to keep them in the dark. In the days ahead I am going to work on establishing a regular rhythm to my reporting.* I promise to get better.**

It is almost 12:30 now, which means it's time for a bowl of cereal and then a nap. Stay strong America--

Forever Unemployed

*Since I am the only person responsible for holding myself accountable, I am not making any promises.
**See previous asterisk