An Interesting Twist in My Shower Schedule

I just took what was at most a four minute shower after two minutes of which I couldn't remember if I had shampooed my head or not. While this reflects either a severe drop in FU's cognitive abilities or just the remarkable amount of carelessness and leisure that envelopes my life, I'm not sure. I will most likely spend the better part of today on the couch contemplating which one is more likely. I do know that my head got at least one, but maybe two, scalp massages with Head and Shoulders.

More to the point, I thought this occasion appropriate for addressing my showering schedule as of late. I have long been a consistent, once-a-day bather. Depending on the levels of physical exertion, I've even doubled up from time to time. But before FU rose like a phoenix from the ashes of a steady job he voluntarily quit before fully understanding the breadth and depth of the current financial crisis, he maintained a strict policy of not showering on Sundays. This policy predates my attempt at a professional career and was adhered throughout college (and possibly as far back as high school, although scholars are at odds as to when precisely this policy first took hold).

It's not that I don't like being clean. There is just something about lying around in your own filth that seemed rejuvenating, as if my pH levels had found equilibrium. Perhaps I identified showers with the start of a workday--that is to say, the morning shower signaled the end of an otherwise perfect day. Maybe I resented the act of bathing for this reason. Possibly I viewed a day away from showering like a farmer views the fields he left fallow; restorative, regenerative, and if not entirely hygienic, necessary for the health of the entire operation (i.e., me).

But having cast off the bonds of employment, I have found my life to be one long set of Sundays, but without the dread of the morrow. In fact, I can't wait for the next day of my life. Perhaps this explains why I am constantly napping--I simply can't wait to wake up in tomorrow. So I guess it would be more accurate to say that my life is kind of like a Friday/Sunday hybrid. Either way, it rocks. My ultimate point is that I have found myself suddenly loathe to take showers. I have traced this to three possible explanations: the first being that I am subconsciously identifying everyday of my life as a Sunday and without knowing it, I am enforcing my no showering policy; the second being a continued identification of the shower as 'the start of the day,' something I am generally too comfortable to confront in sweatpants, and perhaps (also subconsciously) still rebelling against; and the third being sheer laziness.

I think all of these have merit, and while I am not sure which argument I would want to make the case for, I am not going to even attempt one, because that would be missing the point. In my current existence, I answer to no one. I don't have to shower if I don't want to. I can sit around in sweatpants all day eating mayonnaise out of the jar if I felt like it. I don't feel like it, but having the option to do so is comforting. And to be quite honest, breaking a sweat really isn't a part of my life right now. My activity levels really don't call for consistent bathing anyway. Between the kitchen and the living room, over the course of the day I might walk 100 yards. So I'm still pretty clean, with or without a shower.

I guess my point is that being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, is probably the greatest feeling I've ever had. I think today is Tuesday, which would mean three and a half more days till the weekend for the rest of you. Stay strong America-

Forever Unemployed